I found Excalibur, guys! I was wandering through medieval Britain, and found this sword in a rock. Let me send you a pic from my Eldritch smartphone.*
If I pull it out, I become King of, like, England or something, right? I should totally do that. Wait, gotta take a selfie first. Hmm.....maybe pose like this....? Stick my arm out like that....and....perfect!
Hey. Hey, wait. Wait, kid, what are you doing? Stop! That's my sword! Don't touch it! No, no! Don't pull it! HEY! I SAID STOP! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU AR-OW! WHAT THE HECK! I NEED THAT ARM!
Sorry guys, I'll be back. Gotta go kill King Arthur and eat Merlin. Also got to stitch my arm back on....or....just regrow it I guess. Bloody.
*The Ephone 5.
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