I found Excalibur, guys! I was wandering through medieval Britain, and found this sword in a rock. Let me send you a pic from my Eldritch smartphone.*
Hey. Hey, wait. Wait, kid, what are you doing? Stop! That's my sword! Don't touch it! No, no! Don't pull it! HEY! I SAID STOP! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU AR-OW! WHAT THE HECK! I NEED THAT ARM!
Sorry guys, I'll be back. Gotta go kill King Arthur and eat Merlin. Also got to stitch my arm back on....or....just regrow it I guess. Bloody.
*The Ephone 5.