Saturday, October 18, 2014

Hamlet - Phersu Edition

A missing, alternative scene of Hamlet, featuring Phersu. Totally real and legit. Written by Shakespeare and Phersu.


Hamlet watched from his hiding place as his murderous uncle prayed, tempted to end him right then and there. But what if he did kill him now? Would he not go to heaven, being murdered during prayer?

"No. That's stupid. Just kill the bastard, Hamlet. Do it. Run him through, then let's go eat."

"Nay, dear Phersu, I can't allow the swine to ascend to Paradise."

"Hamlet, he murdered your father. He's going down to the bad place with pointy sticks and horrible marshmallows. Just kill him."

"But Phersu-"

"No! He's right there! Perfectly vulnerable!"

"I can't-"

"Everyone dies, Hamlet! Everyone dies if you don't just kill him now. Do it."

"That can't-"

"Your mom dies. Your friends die. Your girlfriend Ophelia kills herself because you suck at planning. Her brother dies. You die."


"You know who survives? Horatio. I mean, I like Horatio as much as the next guy, but seriously Hamlet. Just do it, you pansy."


"Pansy say what? Pansy can't kill his uncle?"

"Stop that!"

"Pansy say stop? Pansy a little girl? Is that it, Pansy? You a little girl?"

"Rrrraaaaaaaaaaaagh!" Hamlet roars, fleeing from his cover and running his uncle through, killing him instantly.

"Damn right."

The End.

1 comment:

  1. This made me laugh; it is so unexpected. There is not much else to say except that it is amazing.